I'm A Woman Now!
by Steel Flint
Summary: Haruka really shouldn't read bedtime stories.


Shikoku: Nihao, everybody! Guess what? We're not dead! -Proud Look- -G-

Steel: Although you probably couldn't tell. -sheepish look-

Shikoku: To tide you over until we get back to work on the Mako/Mina story, we've come up with a twisted short story. :)

Steel: Featuring the Outer Senshi! -G-

Shikoku: This story contains Yuri and adult stuff, so don't read it if you're easily offended or underaged. Characters owned by Naoko Takeuchi. :)

Steel: Not us, unfortunately. :P

Shikoku: Too bad. -G-

Steel: So sad. -G-

Shikoku: On with the story, already! -G-

Steel: Don't kill us! -G-

Shikoku: Love, Steel and Shikoku :)

Steel: -ducks and covers- -G-

----

_I'm A Woman Now!!_

A Joint Work of Nonsense by Steel Flint and Shikoku

----

"Do I have to do this?"

"Yes, you do. I made dinner; Setsuna is doing the dishes, so YOU have to read the bedtime story." Michiru firmly informed her lover, crossing her arms over her voluptuous bosom.

"But those kiddy books are soo... girly!" Haruka whined. "And they're soo stupid and sweet. It makes me get cavities just thinking about it!"

Michiru rolled her eyes. "Just read the book." She turned and was about to leave, when a thought struck her. She turned back, stood on her tip-toes to reach Haruka's ear and said, in the sexiest, throatiest voice she could muster: "I'll make it worth your while... LATER."

Haruka gulped, then ran to five year old Hotaru's room.

Knocking on her new found daughter's door, Haruka opened it a crack and found the girl all tucked in and waiting. "You ready for a story kid?" The dark haired girl nodded, so Haruka-papa sat down next to her and opened the book Michiru gave her. "_The Happy Little Bunnies._" she read the title with distaste. She sighed, then plunged into the story. "_The Happy Little Bunnies loved to play in the meadow together. The Blue Bunnies skipped, the Pink Bunnies hopped and together they hippity-hopped all day long...._" Haruka tried her best not to fall asleep or throw up.

"_They ate lettuce for breakfast, and carrots for lunch._" The tall blonde yawned hugely. "Damn, if THIS doesn't put you to sleep, NOTHING will.." she muttered. But then she noticed that Hotaru seemed engrossed in the story. Her big purple eyes stared at Haruka with interest. 'Well, if the kid likes it...' she thought, and kept reading. "_They had cabbage for supper and fell fast asleep on comfy beds of grass, all happy and snuggly together._" Haruka's teeth were beginning to rot.

"_But there was one Little Bunny that was not happy._" Haruka read on, hoping she had finally found the plot. "_This Bunny was different. It wasn't Pink OR Blue._" 'Huh, sounds kind of familiar. Hmm.. I think I'll liven this story up a bit.' So with a renewed interest, Haruka adlibbed.

"It was Gold!" Haruka said, with new enthusiasm. "And instead of hippity-hopping with the other Bunnies, the Gold Bunny went searching for a new friend to play with. A new and SPECIAL friend." she said, with emphasis. "The elusive Aqua Bunny!"

"Wooooo..." exclaimed Hotaru, totally engrossed by Haruka's story-telling. She'd never heard the story THIS way before.

"Yes! The Aqua Bunny!" Haruka enthused, getting caught up by her own fairy-tale. "The Gold Bunny looked all over the place for this special Bunny, but she couldn't find her anywhere! The Blue and Pink Bunnies laughed at the Gold Bunny saying, 'Stupid Gold Bunny! There is no such thing as an Aqua Bunny! It doesn't exist!' And the Gold Bunny was very very sad."

"Aww.." Hotaru's little lip trembled as she felt bad for the poor, poor Gold Bunny.

Haruka didn't even notice, she was too engrossed in her own story, now telling it more for her own benefit than Hotaru's. "So the Gold Bunny ran far far away, so she could cry all by herself. That way the other Bunnies couldn't see they hurt her feelings, and call her a baby again. But while she was crying, there came a tap on her shoulder. Looking up, the Gold Bunny saw the Aqua Bunny standing right behind her! 'Why're you crying little Gold Bunny?' the Aqua Bunny asked.

"'Because you don't exist.' the Gold Bunny sniffed, not quite believing her eyes.

"The Aqua Bunny blinked in confusion. 'I don't?' she asked, looking down at herself. She pinched herself. 'Ouch! Well, I feel like I exist.'

"The Gold Bunny was sooo happy! 'Will you be my friend?' she asked.

"'Of course.' the Aqua Bunny smiled." Haruka hadn't noticed that she'd stopped turning the pages of the book.

"The Gold Bunny then said: 'Yay!' and hopped on top of the Aqua Bunny and ravished her, making passionate lo-"

"HARUKA!!" a shrill voice cut the blonde off mid-sentence.

Haruka blinked then looked up at Michiru. "What?"

"That's NOT how the book goes!" Michiru stated, ripping said children's story from the blonde's grasp.

"Uhm, yeah, well, I was livening it up a bit." Haruka replied, at least looking a bit sheepish. The aqua haired woman merely pointed to the door. Head hung, the Wind Senshi trudged out of Hotaru's room. 'So much for acting out the story tonight..' she thought.

Michiru quickly finished the story the right way, hoping to do damage control. This had better not come back and bite them in the ass someday.

---- 10 Hotaru Years Later (i.e. roughly 6 months) ----

The Outer Senshi House was shattered by a piercing scream.

Thundering down the hall, ran Haruka and Michiru to burst down the door of their precious Hotaru's room. What was wrong? Had a daimon attacked!? Was she in some sort of danger??

The pair skidded to a halt in the doorway.

And just stared in shock.

To see Hotaru casually undressing Chibi-Usa with one hand under the pink haired girl's skirt. She looked up sharply at her parents' intrusion. "Hey! Get out of here!! Can't a girl have some privacy??" She threw her pillow at them and it bounced off a stunned Haruka's face. That said, Hotaru turned back to Chibi-Usa. "Now, I'm gonna take off your shirt.."

"Oooohhh!" Chibi-Usa moaned.

Haruka and Michiru quickly backed out of the room, slamming the door closed just as Hotaru's head lowered again to disappear under Chibi-Usa's skirt.

Michiru quickly turned on Haruka. "Now look at what you've done!" Haruka merely stared at Hotaru's door; her mouth agape. "This is all your fault! You are such a bad influence on her!"

Suddenly Haruka shook her head violently. "I saw nothing! I saw nothing! I saw NOTHING!!" She then turned and dashed down the hallway, as if running from the scene Chibi-Usa and Hotaru had been displaying.

"Haruka!" Michiru cried, chasing after her stunned lover. She found the girl sitting at the table, her head steadfastly buried in the newspaper. "Haruka?"

"I saw nothing! I saw nothing! I saw NOTHING!!" the blonde repeated.

"What's wrong with her?" Setsuna asked, just then arriving home from work.

Simultaneously, Hotaru came happily skipping into the room. "Setsuna-mama! Guess what! I'm a woman now!"

Setsuna stopped mid-movement and looked from Hotaru to Haruka to Michiru then back to Hotaru. "What?" she asked, needing clarification.

Chibi-Usa then stumbled out from the hall. She draped her arms lazily about Hotaru's shoulders, then leaned in and licked her ear. "You coming' back to bed 'Taru-chan?" she murmured. "I want to try more of that... what did you call it?"

"Oral sex?"

"Yeah, that's it."

Setsuna dropped her bag in shock, her mouth hanging open.

"I saw nothing! I saw nothing! I saw NOTHING!!" Haruka exclaimed.

Setsuna turned to give the blonde a stern look. Haruka just kept her head in the paper. Seeing the Wind Senshi wasn't responding to her glare, Setsuna decided to be vocal. "Haruka! I thought I told you to stop being so graphic around the kid!"

"I saw nothing! I saw nothing! I saw NOTHING!!"

"I'm sorry, Setsuna, I thought we were careful around her." Michiru spoke up. Setsuna arched an eyebrow at her.

Meanwhile, Hotaru and Chibi-Usa were getting a little... FRIENDLY. Chibi-Usa's hand was slowly going up Hotaru's skirt. The purple eyed girl giggled. "You're so naughty!" she cooed happily, turning around in her pink haired lover's arms. She then pounced on top of her, and they crashed to the floor.

"Hotaru!"

"Chibi-Usa!"

"I saw nothing! I saw nothing! I saw NOTHING!!"

"Now look what you did! Chibi-Usa's been tainted! She's SUPPOSE to fall in love with a prince in the future! A MALE prince!!" screamed Setsuna. "So NOW what are we going to tell Usagi?? That she's not going to have grandchildren?!"

"You can tell her." Michiru stated with all certainty.

"Me?? Why should I tell her??"

"Because you're used to it. Don't they call you the 'Doom and Gloom' Senshi?"

"But.. but.. that's not fair!"

"Well, you're the one wearing the black fuku."

"Wha?? What's THAT suppose to mean?!!"

"Good luck Setsuna!" Michiru then grabbed her lover and raced off for the garage. Moments later a car engine was heard, then the distinctive sound of peeling out.

Setsuna sighed, then called up Usagi. "Hi hi!" her Princess's hyper-cheerful voice answered.

"Uhm, hello Usagi-chan." Setsuna replied, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Oh HI Setsuna-san!!" Usagi chirped.

Setsuna was beginning to get a headache; this was DEFINITELY not going to go well... "Usagi-chan, listen, I have something kind of important to tell you.."

"What is it??"

Suddenly there came a pair of screams from the floor.

"What was that!?"

"The television.." Setsuna lied, trying desperately not to look behind her.

"But it sounded like Chibi-Usa.."

"No, it didn't."

"But.. but.. I recognize her voice, Setsuna-san. My Usagi senses are tingling!"

"Puu-chan? Are you talking to Usagi-mama?" Chibi-Usa asked as Hotaru recovered. Suddenly the receiver was yanked from the Time Guardian's hands. "Usagi-mama?? I'm a woman now!!" she exclaimed happily.

"What?" Usagi asked, not sure what she was hearing.

"Here! I'll show you!" Chibi-Usa then set the phone down and pounced on Hotaru again.

It took Usagi twenty minutes to figure out what Chibi-Usa was doing.

"Chibi-Usa.." she gulped. "Just who are you doing that with?"

"Hotaru-chan, of course!" Chibi-Usa responded in a 'Duh! Who Else?' kind of voice.

Usagi promptly dropped the phone, having fainted.

"Isn't this neat, Usagi-mama? I'm in love! Usagi-mama?" Chibi-Usa was left hanging.

On the other end, Usagi's little brother was poking her with a stick.

"Don't poke your sister!" Usagi's mother admonished him. She picked up the discarded phone. "Hello? Tsukino residence."

"Hi Auntie!" Chibi-Usa perked up. Behind her, Setsuna was trying to get to the phone to head Chibi-Usa off, but Hotaru was effectively keeping her from it.

"Oh hello, Chibi-Usa! How are you?" Usagi's mother asked, happy to hear the girl's voice. "Are you having fun at your sleepover?"

"Yes!"

"That's wonderful dear!"

"Yes, we're playing a new game!"

"And what's that?"

"Oral sex!"

Usagi's mom then dropped the phone, as she too, fainted.

Usagi's brother then proceeded to poke them both with a stick.

"Auntie? Auntie?" Chibi-Usa looked at the phone, puzzled. Behind her, Setsuna had fainted at Chibi-Usa's declaration around the same time Auntie did. Shrugging, the 'Pink-Princess' then hung up the phone, grabbed Hotaru and dragged the girl back to her room.

----

Meanwhile, back to Michiru and Haruka...

Michiru was at the wheel (Haruka was 'incapacitated'), but she was paying more attention to her ranting than to the road. "Where the heck did she get those ideas from? We were so careful! We only did it in our bedroom.. And that one time in shower!.. and that time in the kitchen.. and the living room.. and the hallway.. and the front entry way.. on the table.. the floor.. Hotaru's room (Michiru winced at that).. Setsuna's room.. the garage.. Haruka's car.. all of them... the motorcycle.. the helicopter... Hotaru's parent-teacher conference.. her school play... on her desk... the library at school, ours AND Hotaru's... on national television that time I won the music award.. at the race track.. my art show.. the 100 meter dash finish line.. under the bleachers.. in all of the school's bathrooms.. "

The list went on and on...

"... Usagi's house.. Ami's house.. Rei's temple.. Makoto's house.. Minako's house.. No wonder people don't invite us over any more.. but that carpeting was so plush and inviting.." Michiru started drooling. "Hmm.." Maybe we WERE the cause..."

Oops.

"I saw nothing! I saw nothing! I saw NOTHING!!"

---- Epilogue ----

Usagi's scream was heard the world over. "HARUKA!! MICHIRU!! I'M GOING TO _K-I-L-L_ YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

---- End ----


End file.
